2010/02/22

..well, this is appropriately awkward

But I've been feeling the thirst to blog again lately.
I will probably at some point integrate this blog into my other one, but until then, you can find my writing over at http://sansseraph.blogspot.com.

2009/07/07

binge, wishlist

yes the afghan is still in the works. kind of.
i'm liable to have any number of projects up in the air at any given moment, and then add a few to that when i step into an unfamiliar yarn shop.

familiar ones are the ones where i hem and haw upwards of an hour and have fifteen ideas flit through my head, though most of them are not aesthetically appealing in the least. to me or the visually impaired, ideas loud enough to startle the hard of hearing, ideas that would work up like mottled camouflage. damn those variegated yarns.
have gone on an off tangent, shrug vest bolero kimono coat crop sweater binge. flipped up a little shrug from some off white cotton i had laying around in a stitch i'd wanted to try. i thought, well hm. that went fast.
and so cannabilized another project for some cotton fleece. the red turquoise greyish dusty blue vest is probably under protective custody as we speak, hiding from me. i hate it, it's ugly and i kind of think it's cute all at the same time. no ambition to tuck in all those loose ends and put a decent edge on it.
then there's this
a tarty little vest from a back issue of interweave crochet i probably purchased last time i was in alaska. (i go seriously crazy in this yarn shop in palmer, it's like i enter another dimension. the snow gets to me and makes me think i need to get busy in case i'm anywhere and the heat fails. or some primal thing like that.)
and you know you are some kind of weird nerdy freak when a title like "schoolmarm vest" gets you kind of excited. really.
i was too overwhelmed the first time i went in there this afternoon, and had to come home, write an article about cucumbers (of all things!) and get my winter 07 interweave and go back to tackle the yarn selection.
while i was looking, i totally lusted after the takhi new tweed. it's freaking gorgeous, muted rich natural gemmy kind of colors with a matte gold strand in there. class-say, i think, but not the right gauge for the pattern.
i'm so gullible, i got a sympathy gift for the afghan project- a ball of mochi plus by crystal palace. merino! yay! color progression! yay! kitty face on the label! OMG can you say YAY!
(20% nylon. boo. but there's a KITTY on the LABEL!)

i carried around some wool for a while earlier too, something a lot like cascade's ecological wool (which i'm working with right now, it was another alaska purchase, i think the day after xmas 20% off bug bit me hard that day. i didn't know they flew so well in such cold...) but it wasn't quite as soft. wrong gauge, wrong project.
but then i thought. then i thought, schoolmarm vest, tweed. tweed vest. marm tweed. school vest. and went into my inner place, approved it.
got a smashing jo sharp silkroad dk tweed. it's pea shoot which is a nice pea green with a little indigo. the other light green was too yellow. the lavender was tempting but not enough balls, and the magenta was HOT but there was only one ball. there was a greyish oatmeal that had a little brown, a little red/orange here and there and it was so much prettier than my description sounds. remorse, not enough balls of it. and i've got too much oatmeal yarn anyway. i wanted it though.
also found out about to be no more jo sharp in the u.s.? the company is not selling to the u.s. starting soon, unless my otherwise reliable yarn guide is somehow misinformed. stock up of that, and make some international hook-up connections for the jo sharp i suppose. or buy plane tickets to australia or new zealand. actually, the latter sounds nice...

so yes. a picture suite of the bolero binge should be upcoming. soon. like within a month.

2009/06/30

finally

finally, i got over myself and listed something new.
i don't know what my funk has been lately, but i do know that the afghan squares are going awesomely.
i've given in and bought two skeins of yarn for the project, i knew i'd have to, and would want to, as well. it's mostly kureyon which is so my drug/yarn of choice (my #1 favorite reason for winter, sometimes i think!) but i got a different something and alas, the label's in the other room, so i'll chat about that later.
that one looks a mess- they'll all need to be blocked obviously, and none of them are joined. but that pink is even more eyeblinding in person; it's ultra alpaca, so it's got a little bit of shine to it. there are a number of optical illusions to that square pattern and i have spent a considerable amount of time while working on it, wishing i was clever enough to have devised it myself.

while re-examining the wash cloths (and finishing them, because i'm such a stickler about finishing details, i rarely do it as soon as i finish crocheting something) i realized that they are very nicely done. i don't mean to pat myself on the back and risk breaking an arm or anything, but they are nice. that was also when i splurged on one of those wooden hooks, carved to look a bit like a chess piece. it is a nice looking, nice feeling and functional tool. i'd like to have more of those.

and all the while i'm packing up, getting ready for yet another move. i'm quite tired of leaving places, but on the upside, most places have yarn shops. i was satisfied with two in california, and i'll be just fine with the two that there are where i'm going. amongst other things.
(i really am trying to convince myself that two are enough. as i recall, neither of them stocks lamb's pride brown sheep in near enough quantity and neither stocks lanaloft. sigh.)

2009/06/16

want

so want.

but then i'll need some alpacas. or their fiber, anyway.

2009/06/14

project of last resort.

This
is completely awesome, and I'm doing it now, kthx.
I have a baggie of saved up bits of beautiful wools- mostly Kureyon that I can't find anymore, some alpaca/mohair stuff from a jag of using that last year, a scrappy ball of second time cotton by knit one crochet too (which I feel compelled to purchase every time I see it, as it's got crochet *in the brand name!* savvy marketers, that lot, saying the technique that dare not be uttered in most of these posh yarn shops I semi-frequent) and a bitkin of some groovy crystal palace taos. have some gigantic balls of eco-wool that i got to be the binder and I'm making an afghan.
I've needed to do it for a while, I've been saving these scraps for some time specifically for this project. So of course, now, with everything up in the air and planning a potential/probable/hopeful interstate move, of course now, is the time to start an afghan.
Quit laughing, really, it is! It will probably save my marriage, too. The hyper control freak is making her way to the surface, I spent yesterday cleaning (and cleaning, and cleaning) and I've baked a loaf of bread today as well as a yeasted cake (need to use up that two pounds of yeast that have been goofing around in my fridge. This weirdo needs to keep her hands busy, and I've fallen out of practice recently.

It's not *exactly* what I want to be doing- no really, what I wanted to do was make myself this awesome vest from an Interweave Crochet issue...hm, two years ago now? But my divine cashmerinosilk is the wrong weight (!). So then I wanted to make a new purse for myself (this hobo bag is adding 10 lbs easy to my hips, not quite the thing I'm going for) and I wanted to do the striped side-to-side bag I've been seeing everywhere (or maybe just in my own imagination?)
But. My mistake was in mentioning this out loud. Which got me a crazy look from the s.o. and several "how much yarn do you have anyway, why not use this cashmerino whatever ("but it's the wrong weight!) okay i don't care you've got a lot of yarn. Use that."

sigh. one foot stomp, but I know better than to make it two or three or four- the family made it quite clear that stomping is unsociable behavior when I was younger.
So. Fine. I'm'a Make This Afghan I've Been Meaning To Work On, But I'd Better Have Enough Yarn or else I'll Be Cranky.

2009/05/19

cry me a river.

then build me a bridge and get the fuck over it.

sorry for the harsh language, i really do apologize if i've peeled anyone's eyes back and i'm happy to offer eye drops or more soothing language in the rest of this post.

see, for a long time, i didn't know the completion of that phrase. i knew all about the sarcastic tones of "cry me a river" but didn't know the constructive side of that phrase.
i knew all about the world's smallest violin playing the world's saddest song but didn't even realize bridge buildign was part of the expectation. so i sit, with hammer in hand, thinking about blueprints.

two things sat me right back, today. and here they are in no particular order.
first of all, we have hannah. hannah is a normal, healthy and probably bratty and sweet, outgoing and shy, ten year old girl who's been diagnosed with breast cancer. she's probably part of the average american family, penny pinching yet generous, openminded but traditional, grateful and angry, with two parents and two kids. one of whom may very well be the youngest girl in the u.s. to be so awfully diagnosed.

i read this and said to myself, get over yourself. there are worse things in the world than writer's block. there are worse things in the world than a shelf full of unhooked yarn and worse things than empty notebooks. there's worse than this empty headed vacant feeling. but she's better than me too, because she's already over herself. she's moving on past it already. she's dealing with the talk of invaded lymph nodes and being feted at girls' softball closing ceremonies as the recipient of charity. in a world that causes us and helps us to treat each other shitty (oh sorry. i'm a trucker/sailor/mechanic/cook in the mouthparts and let's just leave it at that), she's a rallying point- a reason for little girls not to be mean to one another, but to have someone to help. a cause about which to give a damn. she's a symbol, a statistical unlikelihood and someone's little girl. and even more than that, she's someone's own self. thank you hannah for restoring my sense of perspective.

and in the not quite so dire, but inspiring, i made a trade at an art show at the beginning of the month. after quite some time of frustration, with felted beaded bangle bracelets only slightly appreciated, not valued for their work, materials or worth, a woman was at my table admiring them. her eyes were looking at them the way my eyes do, and when she asked me how the beads got on there, i told her that they went on one by one in an old beadweaving technique. her eyes went wide, and she was the first person i'd told that to whom it seemed to make any impact whatsoever. she then told me she was also there to sell things and that she'd be back after she'd done some business. time passed, and bored (not to mention a tiny bit frustrated), i walked over to her things, where she had a dress, a little orange/coral/clay colored one that was simultaneously really cute and also inordinately sehx-ay. i looked at the tag and was glad to see that she valued her work and time (it was well made and made of a good material) but sad to realize that no way was i going to sell enough at this fair to come even on buying it. plus, although it was good material, it was cotton knit, kind of like a thick jersey, and i'd tried on a dress of the cut a year or two ago, when i was in much more serious shape than i am in now and was disappointed. (it was not made of such good material, and it was a quarter of the price she was asking...in a store, which means that *included* markup and transport costs. which makes me very sad for the people sewing those dresses). i loved it was unsure, but she said "you should try it."
we traded, and my first (and only at this point) front page etsy items went to a home. a happy home, with at least one little girl who looked at her mama's new bracelets with envy. and me? i got a dress that gave me legs, where i've got stumps *and* shows off my waist. without looking trampy. i think it was kismet. anyway, check out karina's etsy shop, and prepare to fall in love with her cute things for behbehs and grownfolks alike. and thank you karina, though you'll probably not read this, for showing me (without telling me) that family and creativity are hardly mutually exclusive, and that putting any of the blame on them for not trucking right across that bridge i built over that river i cried is not fair at all.

2009/05/14

burn. out.

i am completely sure this will not come as much of a surprise, given my failure to recently post, but i think i am in the complete, acute, falling in and out throes of burn out.
like the four syllable pronunciation that alicia keys gives "fallin".

i have not gotten back too much on what i've put into the fiber work recently. well. hm. i mean on a grander theme, it's not necessarily a dirty dollars thing. i'm saying i went into it all doe-eyed, and caught a case of deer in the headlights maybe.

i've had no desire to take pictures and edit them endlessly. i've gone into yarn shops and bought supplies, but they languish, languidly, right there on my shelf. gorgeous stuff. silk/cotton. bamboos. crazy great stuff, and they sit. moon pies and cow eyes, and everything pretty much a big fat zero.

which is not to say i haven't been making things. but art shows/fairs/craft things continue to be uphill, as opposed to any other way. from all available evidence, that's kind of how it is. and i will certainly be the first to admit i haven't any sort of successful seeming setup, or over-investment in the outcomes of said events.

and this is the part where i say "buck up, this is where the losers wash out" but...
but...
but i've learned to make (a sort of) okonomiyaki, not to mention finally conquering crepes. i wrote a couple of short stories a month or two ago. i found a sheaf of poetry i sent to my now-partner while he was deployed and completely floored myself. i may be little more interested in that. i certainly long for that one of me, that her more strongly.
(yes, i know i'm whining about/celebrating multiple talents. multiple things i enjoy doing well, and here's how you know i'm listening to my guilty pleasures pandora station, i've got justin timberlake's chorus inviting "cry me a river". don't even start. musically speaking, it's a great freaking song, and it's thursday which is my friday.)

but i feel like i'm getting pulled on, and when i cook, damn sure people appreciate that. and it's no greater an art than evening dinner, so it's something i'd be doing anyway. when i manage to write, i've finally gotten to the point at looking at things in hindsight and realizing i've got a way with it... killing myself softly with my lines, as it were, singing my life with my words.

i'm not going to quit. this is just justification for lack of recent activity. and venting.
i'm sure it happens to all of us. more proof that i'm not invulnerable.