short stories. other things.

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to begin i'm temporarily peeved that my browser appears to have eaten all the tabs i saved on it from last night. i accumulate quite a few over the day, and the interesting looking ones or the ones i am just about to look at stay open for a while.

i was chatting with someone once and managed to relate a quote or spout off some fairly specialized information, and they didn't know why/how i'd had that particular thing at the ready. memorized? no, many many tabs open. a holdover from an old job, is as far as i care to get into that. (another time, it's certainly an entertaining tale here and there.
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i've really woken up to short stories all of a sudden, recently. i've always liked the form, and it's contributed heavily in making grace paley and dorothy parker two of my favorite authors. i would say it's hell loving dead writers, but their stories are good enough to re-read many times, as i have. (having not quite the budget i'd like to have for books and a sporadic at best relationship with libraries for some reason. [note: it's because i often have a problem with how they're curated. no offense intended to librarians, and i'm sure that i feel this way because i have not looked hard enough at the selection.])

but often, in the past, tho i've enjoyed reading them, there felt to be something poignant about short stories' brevity. grace paley's stories kind of make up for this because they're also kind of poetry, a series of epic poems in which i can imagine the same narrator, or similar. and dorothy parker's are so often about me- or to be more correct this little incarnation of me that hangs out in part of my brain. the dread, the clumsiness, the self consciousness, the monk trapped in junior high school- knowing there's so much more, laughably infinitely more, and yet subject to the ridicules of closed minded Others.

for my current (unfortunately adult) circumstances, i have work, and an apartment with people who like to be fed, well and often. i like to cook, so this is not such a big deal, but it does cut into my reading time. i sneak it in, as i have this art/craft habit and get itchy hands if they sit still too long. therefore, short stories have been my balm.

short stories are inherently a twisted little thing, having taken so much longer to write than to consume. a little block of aged cheese, gone in a blink. a carefully mixed and hand shaped piece of chocolate. gone that quick, as soon as it's in my mouth. well, best to consider it gone, as i generally let a nice piece of chocolate melt on my tongue, and that's sort of a private thing.

and happily, i can speak from experience this week- having had a non-professional, non-compelled writer's block (meaning i can write non fictionally about a topic and do so reasonably well or clearly. yes i can write clearly, not a drunken camel's walk across the harshnesses of the page. believe me.) this writer's block having lasted since my partner was deployed, since 2007. that year, i wrote so much that i think i broke something. some circuitry, over loaded and stressed wiring finally cracked. but i was able to dream up and write down i think two little ditties this week, and of that fact i'm well proud. i won't worry about whether they're good or not at this point, it was just nice to get them out.

but output requires input. it's a nice feeling to return to a familiar pasture- your shit having broken down and nourished a newly green corner, she same old dandelions along the fenceline. that quiet spot under the tree where you can lock your knees/hips/ankles and put your head down and rest for a while.

i hope to remember this kind of remedy for burn outs in the future.

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if wishes were horses (i'd have lots of poop to clean up)

re: the last post, handfelting. i'm now inspired to take up wire work or blacksmithing or even horse shoeing, as i don't know how soon i want to touch wet fiber again. it was interesting at first and then got old, fast. drips running up the forearms, etc.
i'm thinking that is going to be more of a summertime activity.
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i've learned a bit about biting my tongue, and that old saw about discretion being the better part of valor, i.e. knowing when to keep one's mouth shut this week.
first, i learned "thanks for the tip" instead of freaking out on someone explaining something to me that i already know. i'm not patient, and feel insulted sometimes when someone explains something to me- esp when i'm like a billion steps ahead. however, in the future, a grave nod and a serious "thanks" or "thanks for the tip/idea" will suffice. no one will give a damn how smart you are if you are a complete asshole about it.

second, well, it regards projects in various states of "in progress" and my need for information to continue with any of them. i am impatient (see above) and so am punishing the projects by picking up an old bracelet project that's been patiently waiting for me on my shelf. it's nice that what i make is more chilled out than i am.

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and speaking of impatience, i think it's a good time to get my ducks in a row and get some projects done and posted already. i'm chomping at the bit to get some new yarns and some new projects started (especially since i've visited with some incredible yarns new to me and have some super cool ideas). i can't complain, as much as i'd like to say "if i don't make any sales i can't move it to the next level already" because it's no one's fault but my own.

(i could also consider blaming the military/industrial complex and a certain former president, not to mention some unscrupulous financiers as well but i think they've really got enough on their heads as it is. perhaps.)

everyday circumstances kill the creativity sometimes, and make it harder to do these things that i love, but in the end those are just excuses too.

and on the plus side, i've just made a lovely pitcher of tomatillo salsa, have tortillas in the oven turning into chips and a pot of non-burnt black beans on the stove. if i could find it in myself not to wish for a six pack of pacifico or another pitcher full of margaritas, i would be completely content.

felting....

i'm working on my first real ambitious hand felting project. it's pretty entry level, but i'm enjoying it so far.
i've felted a lot of bracelets by hand, but working with my hands with the fibers before they're at a yarn level is pretty new to me. i got up early this morning at started at it, so as to work with a little less interruption, but it was only marginally successful. i have all the colored balls i'm going to make for this project, i think (depending on how big i'm going to make it) and am about to move onto making smaller brown ones. i got new roving this week and am proud to be in the minority of people who are really really excited about getting something like wool roving.

working with it wet is another matter, as most of it is silky, fine merino. it's worse than dealing with wet human hair- sticky, and when i went to fix balls or add contrast color to them i had little fine strands of wool sticking to my hands/wrists more than the ball. add to that also having drips of water running either down my hands or up my forearms (one of my number one unfavorite feelings) and it is super time for a break.

am still working on pictures from the lightbox, i stumbled across a few the other day that better represent the neck pieces i'd made. and in my recycle bin (always check the recycle bin on the computer before emptying, especially if you're prone to temperamental picture deletion!) i found a good one of me modeling the neck piece i gave myself as a little gift. (it was a chilly hiking day and i couldn't resist.)

one of the downsides of the lightbox has revealed itself, which is kind of a fear of shooting "outside the box" - i'm pretty sure this felted ball project will be a hung one, and therefore not lend itself to easy photography in a light box. natural light = scary at this point. it's a good thing that it's not anywhere near finished, so i've got a minute to figure out how to handle that.

another project for the day- working on the custom afghan i'd made for a lovely customer. it'd been a long time in the making and it made its way to its new home, but then needed to be bigger. so there's a whole thing with measuring and growing it. i'm working with a fantastic supplier on this one, who even called brown sheep to ensure we have access to the same dye lot of yarn that the blanket was originally made with. incredible customer service. outstanding. really. i've dealt with yarn shops in person who've been less accommodating, and regarding the same yarn company, no less. this is a benefit of dealing on a really really small scale, this whole chain of uberprofessionalism. if you took a blanket back to macys (etc) and said it needed to be bigger, chances are they'd ask if you had a receipt and if you'd prefer an exchange or a store credit refund. regardless of how much you'd like just that same blanket, only bigger.

but i suppose that's an obvious point, and i'm just procrastinating editing pictures. again.

where a light box will get you...

so, as previously mentioned, i braved the critiques section of the etsy forums, and though i mentioned that i knew my photos needed work, they were the main focus of the criticism. which, i suppose is nice, but really, i would have rather have heard "well those aren't selling because they're crap." if it were true, that is. but going along with the community wisdom, and my own knowledge, i already had a tab opened to a how to for a quick cheap and dirty light box.

i improvised, of course, as i didn't have tissue paper. i never have tissue paper, and when i've been able to send orders to people wrapped in tissue paper, it's because it was in an order i got. there we go folks, total transparency there. if i've sent something in tissue, it's re-used. i never order anything like goat poop wrapped in tissue paper, so it's clean. it may have even wrapped the yarn that i made your special little something from. so parchment paper it was. i had a leftover bit from an old row that i was damn sure would be good for something one day. and it was.

enter the ikea lamps, with the marvellously flexible necks (they remind me of aluminum flamingos for some reason) and the nice eco-friendly bulbs. i don't know that the eco bulbs put out the kind of light i like, but it's what we have right now. i like to make myself feel better by promising myself that i'll get one of those aluminum collar and single bulb work lights at the hardware store one of these days, but there's much more pressing stuff on the list.

so i re-took photos for things that i thought could have been shown in a better light. here's some before/after makeover style photo action.

for an apples to apples type comparison, i've tried to take the previous main photo of each of the items and compare it to the new main photo for each.

with a bang, bangles before:


after:



i'll be honest, i'm torn on a lot of these. i like seeing stuff on models, so i like the bracelet on wrist "action shot." but there's a lot of that on etsy that i squirm when i see. specifically, hand things, as lots of us artisans don't have pretty hands. my hands personally are bashed up, scarred and often swollen. i don't think the angle on my hand in that first picture was flattering at all and the lighting shows off my new pacific northwest pallor. granted the model for the new photo is a little colorful, and i'm sure plenty of people given the opportunity to voice their opinions might say it's distracting; but that's only if i open myself up to further critique. otherwise, they'll say it safely in front of their computer screens and i'll never hear it. whether it's a good thing or bad thing, i can't say for sure. i think the light looks better in the new one, and though the colors are well represented in the old photo, they're still good in the new one. another part of the criticism that i got for some of my images was that they look too wintry, and i'm guessing it's the cool light and dark stuff in the pictures (which i like, but not everyone seems to) that is making people think of that.


carbonite before:

after:

damn. i might like a lot about the old one better. i love the canteen/thermos cup in the middle. but the new picture does make them look more grey- which they are. they're not black. in the old picture, the bracelets kind of melt into the dark background, having the white behind them, i think helps them pop. which, for heaven's sake, the pictures have to pop. the wire is a sculpture i did in a college design class forever ago.


emerald city bangles before:

and after:
in my mind, these turned out the "best". that's the main shot right there, then i shot each of the bangles individually on the gourd. i love how refined the bracelets look and how organic and funky the dry gourd looks. these shots were the ones i clicked through several times, quite pleased with myself. there's something kind of elegant about them, but maybe i'm just full of myself. but looking at that main shot again, i'm wondering if it's still just a little too dark? how obsessed can one actually get over this thing?

another, shot number five in my shop:

it was hard to make that one square, and i don't know how happy i am with the cropping. however, it was nowhere near as difficult to shoot and edit as this last piece.

eye carry, before:



after:

the before shot is another one of my windowsill shots, and it was working for a little bit, but the light was just too erratic. i got spoiled on that southern california light.
this color orange is hard hard hard to photograph correctly, and the colors are still off. the orange should actually kind of be a canteloupe color. sort of. the purple is kind of close, but i don't love how warm the white in the background is.

as a whole, the shots still need work. as before, how obsessed, actually, can one get with taking pictures of this stuff? i am not a photographer, though i've wished to be in the past. there was a time when my passion for it far outstripped my talent, but honestly, the really good pictures i've taken have been few and far between. it's frustrating, because i know these things i make are beautiful in person and unless i can get the light, the cropping, the setting, etc, all just right, i don't have much luck in portraying them correctly.

*but as the trip to the farmer's market this morning also included a trip to the library, i'd rather look at those books, and worry about pictures later.*

nerves...the nerve! (i get critiqued and live to tell)

well, here i am, listening to some classic ragas (nayan ghosh playing a song i think called kafi- i'm a sucker for tabla and sitar, and want to learn more about it) and avoiding that camera of mine sitting next to me.

i'd rather check the email that i never check (it's supposed to be my personal one, it seems everything is in my "official" email); i'd rather read the kitchen gardeners' email newsletter about yes the obama family will have an edible garden on the lawn of the white house. i think that's a good symbolic victory, and the clever quote in the email was michelle obama saying that all members of the family will work in the garden "like it or not." which is good. i hope the chance is also being taken to re-normalize family gardening and re-normalize personally conducted growing and self-feeding. if we can all work one hour less each day for another person and work one hour more on our land, on our families and on ourselves, i think it will be worth that hour of salary/wage we don't get.
better yet, i'd like to see a little class erosion and have office gardens, tended by office gardeners as well as the gardeners of the office building. really, it wouldn't be so difficult. many office buildings have plants, planters, etc. i think of office buildings like space ships, and once upon a time i had an idea for a setting of a story; on a space ship that included plants and gardens as a supplement to the ship's air systems. yesh.
anyway, it's an idea whose time has come, and i'm not trying to get anyone into anything they really don't want to do, but seriously, keep a plant. just one. prove something to everyone because you can keep a plant alive (quoth a woman who's killed damn near everything, or allowed it to die. i may also write a column in a little gardening magazine but that's about food, and yes folks i have killed a cactus. a really cute one.) and better yet, make it one that you can eat, and eat some of it. grow some basil, grow a little arugula in a windowsill. grow some catnip in a windowsill, but make sure your cats can't knock the planter out of the windowsill. grow a little chives, or something on the back of the toilet if that gets any sun at all. or put a plant light under the cabinet over the toilet- something that can deal with the humidity of your showers.

i would actually love to do that last, i'm mentally bookmarking it.
and yes, i would rather preach planting things than dealing with these pictures.
they are not problematic (other than being pictures that i have to edit) in and of themselves. they are representative, part of this hurdle i'm trying to clear in representing my work accurately and flatteringly.
i make beautiful things. i am not trying to boast or be proud, many people have told me this. i am happy that this is their perception- i feel like people deserve as much beauty as they can take in. yet there's something that's failing and i think it's a symbolic undervaluation of my own work. by the time i photograph something, i've usually spent so much time with it, so much time working on it that i've grown familiar, perhaps contemptuous. the "taking it for granted" phase- but it's really not fair. it's every bit as wonderful as it was when i first conceptualized it, as excellent as it was when i took that admiring step back to appreciate the thing in context.

yes. so it's time to work on representing it as such. i visited the critiques version on the forums and got honest talk, but not too rough. i was expecting worse, though i don't know why because i'm one of those that's always complaining that the crit in there is too soft, too bum kissy. i don't think mine was like that at all; however there's also the distinct possibility that i was being sensitive and would have cracked under any blunter criticism. however, it was good and also coincided with a helpful post about quick fast and cheap lightbox. i recycled a flat rate box from stuff my mom sent me (i love boxes from my mom. there's always assorted and random stuff from froberg's - jordan almonds, pine nuts and sour worms! and coffee! and the magazines that we're subscribed to that for some reason get sent to her house.) and put it to the test. once i connect the camera to the computer, i have to see if it passes or fails.
i have a little anxiety about it, to be frank, for some reason. besides just plain not feeling like cropping and shrinking, etc. but maybe i'll just put them on the computer, and look at them and not mess with them. i suppose there's always that.

assorted thoughts

while waiting for the pot of beans to re-heat.

if you find yourself in the position to make a pot of beans, do so. treat them well, season them liberally and they will taste better on the second and third day than they did the first.
you can also add things, for instance this pot began as black beans, then were adulterated with black eyed peas yesterday.
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coming home today i saw the clearest evidence i've seen yet that it is indeed in process of becoming spring. i am already nostalgic for the cold, i've got a hot weather native's appreciation for the cold that borders on the fetishistic and i've been sad recently, watching the temperatures rise. but today, ah today, the fluffy cumulus clouds and the blue sky and more people than i've ever seen outside, just outside for any excuse they could be. any excuse at all, kids playing ball unburdened of winter's mummification, women on porches playing hand drums, a group of men on the metal skeleton landing of apartment stairs enjoying sunshine, an afternoon cigarette.

the daffodils in full riot, the various and sundry trees which i will be able to identify six months from now about to explode into bloom.
it will be interesting to watch this place, whose late winter face is the only one i know, change.
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the initial design phase of the first cape is going shakily.
but there are three or four other projects also in progress, so i've happy alternatives when it becomes too frustrating.
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i smell the hot smell of a griddle ready for making quesadillas. that's my cue.

venting. (to the whiners) [shortened considerably from its original concept.]

i had a more vitriolic post in mind when i was thinking of this entry. i was frustrated at a culmination of moments- and a specific type of frustrated too.
i've been party to many people who do things like what i do expressing dismay over a lack of progress, a lack of sales, etc, and asking the community- what's wrong with me? should i quit? i have only x number of progress points. and invariably, they've been at it less time than i and have made more, in various ways of looking at it, progress points.
note, i'm not talking about some rewards system, literal progress points, i'm just substituting that for number of sales, amount of income, etc, steps in the path of progress/success, however that individual defines such a goal for their own efforts. i'm not talking about stats, like in some rpg. (i think i could deal with this etsy experience if i viewed it more as a game part of me engages in, like a role playing game. STATS!)
[yelling "stats" is a shoutout to my husband, who nevertheless never reads this blog. that's okay, he has to live with me.]

anyway, to sum it all up it's discouraging. i am a competitive person, and so when i see the person who's publicly expressing their perceptions about their progress or lack thereof has more stats than i do, i get annoyed. i am trying to convince myself that i am annoyed because the person seems to be whining in a public forum, not that the person has more stats than me.
i think that the latter is a rather juvenile reaction, and the no whining thing is a bias of mine that makes the public a nicer place to be. but i'm being a bit judg-y and i try to be much more live and let live. in public anyhow. but the critic in my head still smokes cigarettes, and she still flicks the ashes from them rather sharply sometimes.
so what it amounts to, is that regardless of personal preference towards no whining, is that i do it anyway, on my blog, and that while i dislike it, i'll defend someone elses right to do it? eh, okay, not quite. but i will try to chill about it because everyone else's ideas about progress are different than mine, as are what feels like everyone else's production scale, budget, etc.
i think some of those etsy people out there have extra hours in their day. i'm suspecting that reality is just a little biased. (jokes! pointless accusations and jokes!)

and besides
i'd rather not dwell on that because i need more hours in my day. and because there's a lot to do.
and because
i had a Very Good Idea that i'd rather wallow in, instead.
a very very good one indeed.
who doesn't want a cape?
a goddess cape.
stay tuned. details at 11. or whenever.