2009/03/19

nerves...the nerve! (i get critiqued and live to tell)

well, here i am, listening to some classic ragas (nayan ghosh playing a song i think called kafi- i'm a sucker for tabla and sitar, and want to learn more about it) and avoiding that camera of mine sitting next to me.

i'd rather check the email that i never check (it's supposed to be my personal one, it seems everything is in my "official" email); i'd rather read the kitchen gardeners' email newsletter about yes the obama family will have an edible garden on the lawn of the white house. i think that's a good symbolic victory, and the clever quote in the email was michelle obama saying that all members of the family will work in the garden "like it or not." which is good. i hope the chance is also being taken to re-normalize family gardening and re-normalize personally conducted growing and self-feeding. if we can all work one hour less each day for another person and work one hour more on our land, on our families and on ourselves, i think it will be worth that hour of salary/wage we don't get.
better yet, i'd like to see a little class erosion and have office gardens, tended by office gardeners as well as the gardeners of the office building. really, it wouldn't be so difficult. many office buildings have plants, planters, etc. i think of office buildings like space ships, and once upon a time i had an idea for a setting of a story; on a space ship that included plants and gardens as a supplement to the ship's air systems. yesh.
anyway, it's an idea whose time has come, and i'm not trying to get anyone into anything they really don't want to do, but seriously, keep a plant. just one. prove something to everyone because you can keep a plant alive (quoth a woman who's killed damn near everything, or allowed it to die. i may also write a column in a little gardening magazine but that's about food, and yes folks i have killed a cactus. a really cute one.) and better yet, make it one that you can eat, and eat some of it. grow some basil, grow a little arugula in a windowsill. grow some catnip in a windowsill, but make sure your cats can't knock the planter out of the windowsill. grow a little chives, or something on the back of the toilet if that gets any sun at all. or put a plant light under the cabinet over the toilet- something that can deal with the humidity of your showers.

i would actually love to do that last, i'm mentally bookmarking it.
and yes, i would rather preach planting things than dealing with these pictures.
they are not problematic (other than being pictures that i have to edit) in and of themselves. they are representative, part of this hurdle i'm trying to clear in representing my work accurately and flatteringly.
i make beautiful things. i am not trying to boast or be proud, many people have told me this. i am happy that this is their perception- i feel like people deserve as much beauty as they can take in. yet there's something that's failing and i think it's a symbolic undervaluation of my own work. by the time i photograph something, i've usually spent so much time with it, so much time working on it that i've grown familiar, perhaps contemptuous. the "taking it for granted" phase- but it's really not fair. it's every bit as wonderful as it was when i first conceptualized it, as excellent as it was when i took that admiring step back to appreciate the thing in context.

yes. so it's time to work on representing it as such. i visited the critiques version on the forums and got honest talk, but not too rough. i was expecting worse, though i don't know why because i'm one of those that's always complaining that the crit in there is too soft, too bum kissy. i don't think mine was like that at all; however there's also the distinct possibility that i was being sensitive and would have cracked under any blunter criticism. however, it was good and also coincided with a helpful post about quick fast and cheap lightbox. i recycled a flat rate box from stuff my mom sent me (i love boxes from my mom. there's always assorted and random stuff from froberg's - jordan almonds, pine nuts and sour worms! and coffee! and the magazines that we're subscribed to that for some reason get sent to her house.) and put it to the test. once i connect the camera to the computer, i have to see if it passes or fails.
i have a little anxiety about it, to be frank, for some reason. besides just plain not feeling like cropping and shrinking, etc. but maybe i'll just put them on the computer, and look at them and not mess with them. i suppose there's always that.